Well, I said that I would try to go in order telling you what has happened to me in my short 25 years of life. However, the last 10 years has been literally full of ups and downs. Even after cancer, my life has never gone back to normal. If anything, it has been at a constant state of hard for these long 10 years.
I live in a daily state of pain that most would find debilitating if a "Freaky Friday" sort of occurrence would happen with a normal person and myself. Being that I live with this pain all the time, I have learned to deal and try to function normally. What is normal though?
In addition to the pain, the muscles in my leg do not work correctly. Mostly because I tore the Quad from the tendon and it was 2 years before doctors realized it as well as muscle that has started to turn into bone due to all the trauma it has sustained. My bad leg pretty much only allows me to walk. I can not run, climb up
or down stairs, ride a bike, wear any shoe that is not flat and stay on
my foot easily (i.e. no flip flops or high heels) and pretty much
anything other than walking in a straight line. I still have great difficulty lifting my leg and cannot straighten it out using only my muscles (like kicking).
Finally in the knee department, the knee replacement is in a state of chronic infection. I have had multiple surgeries to try and get rid of it but the pesky thing just won't go away! (As if it were my only problem hahaha!)
Other than my leg problems I am in chronic kidney disease of stage 3 and have had an episode of acute kidney failure. I suffer from chronic anemia and hypertension.
Why am I telling you all of this? I assure you it is not to make you feel sorry for me or pity me. I have been doing this for 10 years and feel I have overcome many difficult obstacles despite my health problems. In an attempt to continue to live my life I went to school and got an
Associates, Bachelors, and Masters degrees. I have worked jobs on and
off while going to school but am severely limited in types of jobs I am
able to take because of the stamina of my leg and functioning
abilities. I have amazing friends and my family is the best I could have ever asked for. I feel that because of everything my family has gone through with my health problems, we are closer than any other family I have ever met. I honestly think if my mother had the funds to do so, she would by a huge chunk of land and build a compound of houses on it for each of us to live together forever. And honestly, that would be ok with me. Like I said, we are really really close.
I've gotten off topic again. With the recent acute kidney failure I went through, I had to go off all of my antibiotics that fight the chronic infection in my knee and as you probably guessed, the infection got worse. I had another surgery to try and clean it out, yet again, and am taking IV antibiotics from home. But like before, it didn't work. If anything, it's made the pain worse lately. So much so I have been using a cane and wheelchair when I go out o the house. I was given 3 options to proceed: having a new knee replacement put in, an above the knee amputation, or a rotationplasty. This suddenly became one of the hardest decisions to make.... ever! I had never even heard of a rotationplasty. This is what has been going on in my life that has made me aloof and posting a lot less.
Turns out, that it is a rare and extremely complex surgery in which they take the knee out and rotate (hence the rotation in the name) the foot backwards and put in onto your femur so that your ankle becomes your knee joint. It is really hard to picture so the best I can offer you is this informational video from the Mayo Clinic that helped me: Rotationplasty.
I talked to tons of people and did tons of research and finally decided to have the rotationplasty. You see, for the past 10 years I have neither been able to identify with those classified as healthy and able, nor have I been considered disabled or sick. I have been lost in this in between all alone. I can not function like the healthy and capable but a knee replacement is not seen in the eyes of most people as a disability. I can not tell you how many times I have been told "My grandma (or whoever) had a knee replacement and they can do everything they want. Have you tried physical therapy?" Don't you think I would have tried ANYTHING? People can be so weird. Anyway, once I decided that I expected it to take a long time to get everything finalized and dates chosen. I was getting antsy and wishing it would just hurry up and happen. Oops... sometimes you get what you ask for!
Because of the infection, it is necessary to remove the artificial knee and put in a spacer that has tons of antibiotics on it and let is basically seep and kill and make the inside of my leg the most sanitary place in my body. That spacer is being put in Feb 27th and will stay in there for 8 weeks. While it is there I will not be able to walk on it so I will become a master in the art of crutches as well as not be able to bend the knee. After that 8 weeks I will drive to Tampa, FL at Moffitt Cancer Center and have the rotationplasty by one of the best doctors in the world. (I might be putting in my own bias about the doctor but only a little, he really is very innovative and world renowned). I will then proceed to stay in Florida for 3-4 months to make sure everything goes well and attaches correctly and you know... works. Hahaha.
Well, the cat is out of the bag now. Everyone knows I will soon be an amputee. Very scary thought. Also exciting about all the things I will be able to do. But terrifying! Also, something I didn't expect, I'm even terrified of hitting the publish button on this post. Putting it out there for everyone to know and judge me for. Here goes everything....
